The Certainty of Uncertainty

blank paper

I come and go in phases. One moment I’m feeling like the world is my oyster –everything I want to go right is going right. Another moment, I’m feeling down – everything that I want to go right is, in fact, going left, and then I question why I’m turning right in the first place. And once I make the turn, I’m back, and the world is back and it’s my oyster again.

Through this I’ve discovered two things: I don’t know my lefts and rights that well, and I don’t like oysters.

It’s really easy to write when you’re confused. You have a blank sheet that is willing to listen to the arrangement of words and sentences that you want to tell someone but you just can’t. The blank sheet listens and doesn’t give advice or tell you that you should have actually turned left. The blank sheet doesn’t give you any uncertainty about what you’re writing. You want to type this out? Do it. I’m going to be here for you, however long it takes.

But people are not blank sheets, and life and uncertainty go hand in hand.

Let’s talk about that.

I think I moved to the most uncertain place in America during a period of possibly the most uncertain time in my life. Oh wait, that’s actually called being in your early-twenties. Oops. I know you people feel me.

It never occurred to me that maybe this isn’t going to work out. Maybe I had to come here to figure out that when adults preached that you were supposed to have a “life plan,” they were actually just saying arbitrary strings of encouragement to enforce a graduation rate. Maybe answering the age-old question of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” with “I have no friggin’ clue,” is perfectly acceptable. Maybe you are supposed to become attached to people only for them to leave you. Maybe all of this is how we figure it out.

We are never going to see the domino effect of events that led us here. The uncertainty of why things happen will always remain. And I’m not sure if there’s a reason to search for the answer; maybe that will just cause more confusion.

I’m not certain, but I think I’m on to something: Life is full of uncertainty.

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