Bottomless brunching – the act of eating your favorite benedict and/or waffles and/or M.Y.O.O. (also known as make your own omelet) while drinking your favorite mimosa that you can never seem to finish.
Does that seem like a lot? It is.
I like to brunch. In fact, “like” may not be the best way to describe my feelings towards brunch.
I have never felt towards a person what I feel towards brunch. There, I said it. Judge me.
This summer I have had my fair share of birthday brunches, going away brunches, “Congrats, you got a raise” brunches, break-up brunches, and “We survived the week” brunches. At this point, I don’t even need an excuse to drink champagne from noon ‘til night.
But people, Jesus spoke to me in the form of a cab driver.
Monday night I was going somewhere and it was raining, so naturally I ordered an Uber (and this is why I’m poor.) As soon as I hopped in, the driver looked at me and screamed, “I KNOW YOU. HOW DO I KNOW YOU? YOU’RE THE GAL FROM WEST VIRGINIA.”
At this point, I was all like Um, I think you have me mixed up with some other gal, who may or may not look like me, and I realize I’m rambling soI’mreallysorryforwhateverIdid, OK?
And then he started laughing and replied, “I PICKED YOU UP FROM BRUNCH… AND YOU WERE SO DRUNK.”
Can you give me more information, because this is basically every weekend, Sir. And, why are you screaming? Stop.
Kelvit (his name) goes, “IT WAS YOUR FRIEND’S GOING AWAY PARTY.”
Again, I’ve had a lot of people leave me, so can you be more specific.
“YOU HAD JUST GONE ON A DATE.”
Oh, Saturday, July 19. Katie’s going away party. Yes, I was super drunk. So drunk that I fell asleep in her office after brunch. I totally remember you, Kelvit.
This whole time I thought Kelvit was judging me for not remembering him, my brunch, or my whole Saturday, for that fact, but as I went to leave he stopped me. He then handed me a paper with his number on it and told me to call him whenever I needed a ride home from brunch.
Just when you think the world is too big …
Side note: I will be abstaining from pancakes with a side of booze for a long, long time.